Dark Side of the Moon

Well, me and nana went to see papa today, he was acting real erratic, hallucinating, tearing off his covers, arguing with us. I think the effects of Haloperidol are still with him, possible permanently.

The doctors say he has a delirium from being in a hospital, because that totally happens everytime you go to a hospital. Seems to me like that's bullshit though.

I had a real bad urge to go somewhere today, as I often do. I've really been wanting to do something for a long while... though I never know what it is, everything I try seems pointless...

That's what I've been telling myself. The past two years I've been trying to get it out of my mind, but the sad truth is that until I meet my dreamgirl, I'm not going to let myself move on in life.

Thing is she doesn't want a damn to do with me, though uncertain if it's specifically me, or a broader audience I'm included in...

Hell, it may be she has a life and simply doesn't get on the internets which is my only means of communicating with her... via myface =\

I really want to go back and find her, but I know that I'd never find her just by going up to the mountain and looking around. Though actually... I had an odd dream a bit ago, where she was actually down a road I never went, because well, it was outskirts. and it turned out she was in a town near Flagstaff...

Maybe I should look there?

Hmm, looking at google maps, there is a small town down that road, though it doesn't show a name... maybe it's an extension of Flagstaff?

aunno, I guess nana saying she'd fix my car so I could go my own way must have gotten my subconscious excited, because all day today I've been having an urge to hit the road. Walking around helps, but still, I feel pretty bad.


I dunno, I guess I just feel that if I find Jennifer, that life will be good, and I can finally move on with my life, make comics, animate cartoons, make videa games, write songs, et cetera, et cetera...

Though I still don't know if it's just a subconscious feeling that how my life got really depressing and generally bad exponentially since I moved from Lark Lane, the place where we used to live, that if I got a piece of my past, my life would be normal again... or something else.

The only reason I have to believe that this isn't just some mental thing is the fact that I hadn't seen her since we were like seven or something, still technically haven't if you don't count myface photos 9_9

Even if I meet her and she's a skanky-ass ho, or too stupid, or too weak, or something that blatantly sets her apart from the girl in my dreams (personality wise, as she looks exactly like her) Then I'd finally would know that there's no one out there waiting for me to save her (or vise-versa, I mean come on! I'm dying here LOL)

Maybe I could just go out there, get a job, and find a place to live while I look.

... or win the lottery.